Well I guess my car is part clown car cause I got a lot of shit in my car but I did part with alot of things as well. I guess you don't need that much in life just to be happy that is part of why I got rid of it. well it is late and I leave early cause i want to spend time with my birth mother and see some other family on my way up to the great northeastern coast. For thoes of you who may try to contact me by phone if there is no answere it is cause my phone is a getho phone try to text me or email me I will have access to intern webed tubes of the internets.
Peace OUT g-funk-like-woah holla!

Alright as I said in a post I am moving and now the day has come for me to leave. So that means packing and what not... my car is small and there is no way unless my car is part clown car that I would be able to fit every thing in to my car. So currently I am tossing many things out that wont fit on me or in the car. I didn't know how much CRAP that I had.

I never could understand why or how I could get attached to people so quickly, and I kinda hate that I do. I love it too, go figure. So I said my goodbyes and all but I'm not sad for some reason. Some of the people that I have been around here have really helped me grow and showed me what "love" is. Not the mushy bull love that never seems to last but unconditional love. I have never felt that before and it is great to finally feel it. I know what it is and what it is not.

I think this is the hardest and the and easiest move that I have had to do. Yeah it is an oxymoron but aren't we all are an oxymoron most of the time. I can't really explain it but if you know me you would understand. Well things will fall in to place as it goes along and they have been. So I'm going in to all this with the ideology that I have picked up and will use for a long time.

Well I'm getting ready to go to a fairy gathering for may day. I am so excited that I can't even sleep. I know it is gonna be a great time this year and all I can say is.... WOO HOO!
I'll tell about it when I get back.

Ok so I am really down cause everyone is getting to do stuff that I was originally supposed to do and now I cant. All this is due to some unfair changes, not by my own fee will, which happened at the beginning of this year. These changes has made me unable to be involved the way it was meant to be. Some times it seems like people don't really try to empathize another persons feeling in a situation. But, what really hurts, is that I see and hear about it every day. I am to the point that I don't really care about what happens with it nor hear about it. Sometimes I feel like I'm not even there and most of the time I wish I wasn't around. It is very painful to deal with this. I know the persons involved are not (or i hope not) leaving me out on just to cause pain to me. I also know that i take things personally sometimes but it is hard for me to try and not do that. I'm like this cause mainly I don't have a family anymore and what family that I did have ,at one time, would deliberately not include me on family functions for reasons unsaid, and I guess that is why I am feeling like this now. I just wish I didn't have any feelings or any emotions any more. Haven't I gone through enough already? When is it gonna end? And does anyone really care about how I feel.

I am really looking forward to leaving this town and moving on with my life doing my thing for a change. I have really thought about my move intensely and I feel that it will be better for me in the long run. I want to settle down and finally feel wanted by someone and needed. Hopefully that is correct. Well where am I going now you may ask? Well, I had many options offered to me. One of them was to move to Austin, TX. There I would be able to learn to tattoo. But, the living situation would be awkward for me and possibly a major drama situation could arise so i decided that it wouldn't be a good place for me to go. Another option was to move some place in Canada where a friend of mine could help me gain citizenship there but I don't really know the guy so that was so far out there. Another thought was Chicago, IL i know many people up there and I could get by but I didn't see where that would get me any were in the long run. So I came to the decision to move to Oneonta, NY. Why in the hell a small town like that?

I was researching schools all over USA, cause I have been wanting to go back to school for music education , performance, and music composition. I found a few schools that caught my interest. So I checked them out a little more the one that stood out to me the most was Hartwick. It is a school in Oneonta, NY. I like the programs that they offered. A little after that I started talking to a guy that lives up there and we hit it off well. So I thought it would be a good idea to go up there and check the place out for a week and had a great time doing nothing. I mean there was nothing to do, and not in a bad way. But, I really liked it. the area was beautiful and calming. Not to mention the guy I was hanging out with was a really nice guy too and fun to be around. I think this is the change that I need in a small town back to what I am used to for a while. We will see what happens. I'm ready to settle down for a while. Maybe I'll find what I'm looking for. Who knows?

"Ordinary World" by Duran Duran

Came in from a rainy Thursday
On the avenue
Thought I heard you talking softly

I turned on the lights, the TV
And the radio
Still I can't escape the ghost of you

What has happened to it all?
Crazy, some are saying
Where is the life that I recognize?
Gone away

But I won't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive

Passion or coincidence
Once prompted you to say
"Pride will tear us both apart"
Well now pride's gone out the window
Cross the rooftops
Run away
Left me in the vacuum of my heart

What is happening to me?
Crazy, some'd say
Where is my friend when I need you most?
Gone away

But I won't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive

Papers in the roadside
Tell of suffering and greed
Here today, forgot tomorrow
Ooh, here besides the news
Of holy war and holy need
Ours is just a little sorrowed talk

And I don't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive

Every one
Is my world, I will learn to survive
Any one
Is my world, I will learn to survive
Any one
Is my world
Every one
Is my world

ok so tonight money wise was shitty for me but i did have something happen to me insanely so random that you wouldn't believe it... the gay gods shown down upon my job and i got to not only meet but serve LINDA CARTER... if you don't know who that is it is WONDER WOMAN. seriously.

People close to me know I love horror movies especially Zombie movie. When i saw this i almost peed my self... who is going with me to see it.... it opens next thursday!

all I'm gonna say is sorry for not posting to my journal in a while I've been avoiding lj so not to post things.

Even then I knew I was gay.

All I have to say is "I FUCKING WANT IT!!!!"